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10:25 pm - November 13, 2002
sorry for not updating for a long time. i haven't felt like writing at all. which is a reason i am behind on my e-mails too. so if i haven't written to you, no hard feelings, i still love you to pieces for sure. i don't feel like myself. i'm depressed, it is true. i am finally going to admit it to myself. i am finally going to at least attempt to take action. when i saw the psychiatrist a few weeks ago, she recommended i go on medication. so i went to the doctor today, and told him my symptons and concerns and all of that. he wants me to start on 25 mg tablets of zoloft. i had been having a great day today (as opposed to yesterday, especially, which was hell) but i had a crying attack on the phone with my mom tonight. she doesn't understand me. she just gets mad at me and frustrated. i haven't decided what i am going to do yet, and it is 100 percent my decision. i am just very scared of side effects. i am also scared of the pills not working, and this being my own problem. but if they don't work i will feel like i am left with no other option. the bottom line is i refuse to feel this way any longer, to take it and accept that i have to be this way. cause i don't think i do. i look around me and see what seems like everyone, perfectly happy, content, energetic. it can't just be my outlook. cause i don't know how to change it. i wish they didn't offer meds as my only solution. if i move home nothing is going to change, it may only get worse. if anyone has any insight or opinions or advice for me, you know how to get in touch. time is still my friend. :0) Past Ramblings photo of Matt Good in Bala courtesy of Christopher |